Upshernish
More Than a Haircut
It is an age-old custom to allow a boy’s hair to grow untouched until he’s three years old. On his third Jewish birthday, friends are invited to a haircutting ceremony—called an upsherin in Yiddish, and a chalakah by Sephardic Jews. The child’s peyot (biblically mandated side-locks) are left intact—the initiation into his first mitzvah.
A child’s third birthday signals a major transition in his or her education. For the first three years of life, a child absorbs the surrounding sights and sounds and the parents’ loving care. The child is a receiver, not yet ready to give. At the age of three, children’s education takes a leap—they are now ready to produce and share their unique gifts.
For a Jewish boy, this transition is marked with a ceremony. It is customary to hold or at least start the upsherinish in a holy setting, in a synagogue or a house of study. Many celebrate their child’s upsherin at the gravesite of a tzaddik (holy individual). In Israel, many make upsherins in Meron, at the burial site of Rabbi Shimon, author of the Zohar.
An upsherin is traditionally a modest event. Some make an entire feast, but light refreshments and hors d’oeuvres are the standard fare. Both the mother and father should be present at the upsherinish, as well as relatives and friends.
The child is taught to begin wearing tzitzit for this ceremony. It is customary that a person of spiritual stature is asked to be the first to snip off a lock of the child’s hair. On one occasion,the Rebbe advised that the first person to cut the hair should be a kohen, then a levi, and then, a yisrael. Afterwards, each of the people in attendance may be given a turn.
Some begin by cutting the hair near the peyot, close to the child’s ear. The rationale appears that since the purpose of the custom is to train the child to observe the mitzvah of not shaving his peyot, the cutting should begin there.
Because of the holiness of the occasion, the hair should be collected and buried, rather than thrown in the garbage. There is a custom to weigh the hairs and give an equivalent amount of coins to charity.
Many follow the practice of giving the child whose hair is being cut money to give to tzedakah. At the ceremony, the child whose hair is being cut should recite the verse Torah Tzivah, and the other children in attendance may also recite verses.
There are many days on the calendar when haircutting is forbidden or discouraged. If the third birthday falls on one of these days, the upsherin is postponed until the first possible permitted opportunity. As such, speak to your rabbi before scheduling your son’s upsherin.
For assistance in celebrating and organizing an upsherin for your child, or for any guidance regarding Jewish life cycle observances, contact the rabbi at your nearest JRCC
